Suck it and see



Today I’m playing follow my muse

So far my muse wants me to buy eggs, so can make a lemon drizzle cake and embroidery thread.

I remind my muse that this is a writing day, that I have deadlines and stories to tell.

My muse says, just go along with it, you’ve got plenty of time. Besides, this’ll be fun.

So I’m following my muse. At the very least, there’ll be cake.

1:05 pm, by braincandy
permalink





When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.



Mary Oliver, from “When Death Comes” (via Rachel Mennies)

(Source: bookoasis)

10:23 am, reblogged by braincandy
permalink
tagged: mary oliver, poetry,






A story for Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day! Me and Valentine’s Day ( I could say “Valentine’s Day and I” but that just sounds so ridiculously formal, and well, now I’ve established that I know the correct grammar, I feel that I can break the rule with impunity)… So, where was I? Ah yes - me. Valentine’s day. We don’t really get on. Not because we hate each other or anything, just because we can never seem to get it together. The timing’s always off. When Valentine’s Day is available, I’m busy. When I’m ready to be with Valentine’s Day it’s off trying to pull some other girl. Sometimes these things just happen. If you’re me, they happen a lot. But hey, I remain hopeful. One day, we will sit down and have that long-promised coffee together. Who knows? We might even share a slice of carrot cake.

Anyway, this whole long preamble is to introduce a story. If you like it, say nice things. I like it when people say nice things.



Moving Day

The last of my possessions sit on the doorstep of the new flat as the removal van pulls away. I heave a big sigh and look up at the sunny yellow front door. New start. I whisper to myself. Then again, as if to confirm it and make it more real. New Start.

The guy next door pops his head out of what I assume is his living room window. “Hey’ he calls cheerily. “Do you need a hand?” I guess I do. I nod wearily.

“I’m pretty much done except for these bags.”

“Be right there” he says, popping his head back in. Minutes later he appears by the door. He’s taller than I thought. He smiles.

“I’m Jim”
“Melinda. call me Mel” I shake his outstretched hand.

He grabs a a big black plastic bag- the biggest one, I note - on top of it lies a shoebox which he makes to tuck under his arm.

“Careful with that,” I say, maybe a little too sharply.

“Uh, sorry” he says running his free hand through a mess of dirty blond curls. His blue eyes darken with concern.

“It’s fragile.” I say, by way of explanation and in a tone which I hope makes me sound more neighbourly. Nice one, I think to myself. Only been here a minute.

“‘S okay,” he shrugs. Half smiles.

I open up the box carefully to make sure the contents are still intact.

“What’s in there anyway?” he asks, looking over my shoulder. Then he sees it. “Oh” he says and I can feel the pity and warmth and sadness, all mingled together in that one husky, knowing word. I look down at the deflated, anaemic, blue-tinged muscle of my heart. It looks pitiful. It beats in painfull, stuttering bursts.

“What happened?” asks Jim

“Boyfriend,” I say unthinking, then automatically correct myself. “Ex boyfriend. We broke up. That’s why I’m here,” I say gesturing to the front door with my head.

“Looks like he really did a number on you,” he says

My heart shudders again. I gently place the lid back on the box and hold it in the crook of my arm.

“You know, I can help you with that,” says Jim, reaching into his shirt pocket and pulling out his own heart. It’s rosy red, plump and shiny as a waxed apple. It beats with a strong steady rhythm.  I stare at it for a moment, then shake my head. No. “thanks, I say but I’m not sure what my heart needs right now. I think I’m just going to leave it in the box and see what happens.”

Jim Smiles. “Sure. If you ever change your mind…” he casually slips it back in his pocket.

We take the rest of my stuff up the stairs in silence.

“You can just put the bags over there”, I say pointing to the sofa in the corner.

“Would you like something to drink? Tea? Coffee? I ask heading towards the small kitchen.

“Tea would be nice” he replies, nosing around an open box filled with books.

“How do you take it?” I call from the other room

“white, two sugars”

“Sugar? Don’t you think you’re sweet enough?” It comes out before I can stop myself. It’s the kind of thing Steve would say. I feel a fleeting pang of regret, followed by worry - I’m not sure how much more of this my heart can take. It was already in a bad way by the time I moved out of the house and into my friend Sophie’s spare room and a month of moping and crying hasn’t helped matters.

Jim laughs. It’s a rich, dark, sweet sound that makes me think of coffee and molasses.

“So how long have you been living in the neighbourhood?” I ask, busying myself with boiling the kettle - top of the box marked “kitchen emergencies” - and unwrapping the mugs.

“About six years. It’s not bad here. Plenty of things to do, near amenities, nice friendly people, in the main. Mostly young, single.”

“You sound like my estate agent,” I laugh bringing the teas through.

“I am an estate agent,” he says going  a little red.

“Oh,” I say, bursting into a fit of embarrassed giggles. “For what it’s worth, I really like my estate agent.”

“Uh huh”, he says, raising an eyebrow.

“You don’t sound convinced.”

“I am well aware of the reputation of estate agents and I am reserving the right not to comment any further.”

I laugh. “But I know you’re okay, I’ve already seen your heart.”

“Oh yeah”, he says, looking down at the heart steadily beating on his sleeve, “so you have.”

9:01 pm, by braincandy
permalink





Twice by Little Dragon

The first time I heard this song it was being played on one of those random digital radio stations that you just happen upon if you spend some time with a DAB radio. I remember being completely mesmerised by it, how spare it was, the hypnotic lull of those two piano keys and that beautiful soaring voice threading in and out of those metronome straight notes.

When it was finished, I immediately wanted to listen to it again. And again after that. Only one problem: I had no idea who the song was by and I didn’t know the lyrics. When I spoke about it to friends, I could only gibber on about how beautiful and ethereal it was, how it made the back of my neck tingle. In fact, all I knew for sure was that if I ever heard this song again, I would know it immediately.

Now, there is a lot you can do nowadays to find a song if you really want to but you need something a little more concrete than a tingle and a good memory but I didn’t let that stop me. I trawled through radio station playlists, I played every nu folk song on last fm, I searched random playlists. I did not hear what I wanted to hear. I did discover Regina Spektor - but that’s a whole different story.

Basically, I have been waiting to hear this song again for almost two years and I found it again just as randomly, playing out a five minute BBC programme on Myths reworked for a teenage audience. I knew it right away. I felt the tingle but this time I had more, I had the lyrics, so I put them into Google and that’s how I found this song. It is every bit as amazing as I remember but shorter. I am going to listen to it all day today and then I’m going to listen to it again.

And I’m going to attach a weighty significance to it to do with the beauty of random wonderful things and how if you don’t lose faith and you wait long enough, something really, really great could happen. You just have to hold on to the tingle and the memory.

3:56 pm, by braincandy
permalink
tagged: music, happiness, hope, random,







Alma

Written and Directed by: Rodrigo Blaas

Full credits at: almashortfilm.com

When I was a kid I used to have recurring nightmares about dolls and other toys coming to life. So naturally, this spooky little short freaked me the hell out.

5:36 pm, by braincandy
permalink
tagged: film, animation,







NSFW

Bwaaaahaha! Brilliant.

3:05 pm, by braincandy
permalink





Summer playlist - Sean Oliver, You and Me

It’s hard to find much by Sean Oliver online. Heck, I can’t even find him on Spotify, which is… actually not that odd, you can’t find everything on Spotify. Yet.  Anyhoo, I came across Sean Oliver at some point in the 90s and to my knowledge, he only did the one album but I love that one album. It’s full of feelgood tunes with a sort of jazzy, nu-soul edge.

Every summer, I drag out the album and play it and dance around whatever godforsaken hovel I happen to find myself in. Not this year though, because my entire freakin’ life is currently in storage, and this means most of my books and music.

I did manage to find this one song on Youtube though. And I’m playing it right now, and I’m dancing. Yeah.

10:07 am, by braincandy
permalink